What if he asks for your nudes

Sajini Wickramasinghe

Dear Girls, 

When one day the guy in your dreams comes to your world and shows affection and asks for your hand , you, say yes and imagine the whole universe revolving around both of you. Things are just perfect. Facing ups and downs together.Planning the future ahead.

But if that prince charming asks for your nudes maybe begs for them what would you do? If you say No, he will suggest that you have trust issues, he will ask isn’t it better than looking at other girls’ nudes? You do not want to lose him at all. Do you? You question his desires. But trust , proving your trust is way more important. Isn’t it? 

This is with all my love to those beautiful souls, never share your nudes with anyone.The boy will take the upperhand in the relationship. Threatening you, making you regret, making you curse him.He won’t be your happy pill anymore. You will tolerate for the sake of your face.But you will suffer.

When things are unbearable for you and you breakup , next day, you will be the hot topic of the Internet.Though it is your natural body which million of other women own, though men who hunt for your nudes have seen many more naked female bodies , the mentally retards will still ask for the link, sharing it and making posts. 

So please, have faith in yourself.Believe in yourself.Respect yourself.Be intellectual enough to forsee the consequences.Amen.

42 thoughts on “What if he asks for your nudes”

  1. This means alot to me while my friends whole life is ruined by a guy by leaking numerous of pictures and videos of her and her whole life is on risk and people are going crazy asking links of her in social media, while the whole Sri Lanka can see..she lost her career, Her independence to live, Her family is messed up, honestly in this country a girl can not simply survive after something like this just because she trusted her loved ones to send pictures and videos to, it was never her intention to show her body to the whole world, personally I know how it feels when your best friend is suffering , so that’s why I’m kindly asking all of the girls who’s reading this article, if your boyfriend needs your nude, or videos, don’t give them. If they still keeps asking you so. Don’t you think it’s his responsibility to honor your decision? If he threatenes you that he will leave, it’s for the good, a one who loves you can personally never give up on you for such primal needs πŸ™‚ remember we live in one of the Third World countries, specially in a country where injustice rules, and rapists get away with law suits and women getting harassed each and every day in public and behind closed doors, never ever do something which will affect your life, don’t make decisions while your judgements are clouded, you’re worth than what you give yourself credit for πŸ™‚ I never want you to endure the pain my best friend does at the moment…
    And kudos again to Sajani for the amazing article πŸ™‚ πŸ’œ

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    1. Thank you so much love. Give my kind and warm regards to your friend. Tell her to speak up for herself. It is her life. Do not let others to ruin it. My bear hugs for her. And much love for both of you. πŸ˜€ ❀

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    2. Hey , I came across these pictures and videos through WhatsApp. It’s totally understandable that she captured or recorded them for her boyfriend. Everybody knows the guy is an A$$hle. You’re friend maybe down right now. But Sri Lankans forget things pretty quickly. Best move for her is to move away from this country for few years. Don’t ever let her giveup. Peace.

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    3. Actually its not only her that share these kind of things to make her lover pleased.it happens wth many of the long relationships as I know.only thing is that this particular guy never treated her with dignity.this is a disgrace to all men out their who really love their women and treat em with respect. If she doesnt like you let her go… dont forget she was that girl who went all the way to please you… how would you withstand her being treated as a slut which she never deserve in whatsoever manner…kill that bastard …

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    4. Hi Ladies! So I read an article recently that disturbed me a lot. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it which is what made me write this. This article was about a girl who sent nude pictures of herself to the guy who claims to love her and eventually got in to trouble. First and foremost remember if a guy asks you for nudes, he is not your Prince Charming. Remember we all need to kiss a few frogs before we come across our soul mate but during that time the frogs do not need to know which lake you live in and what you do. So ladies take it from a guy, if he asks you for your nudes he does not love you as he claims. Your Prince Charming will honor you, respect you, love you; above all he will value you.
      So if you don’t find these traits you will have to keep looking. I may be old fashioned but chivalry is not dead. It’s pretty much alive, you just need to be patient and it will come along. Don’t ever cheapen yourself, get drunk in clubs where guys try to man handle you, but instead go out with friends you trust. Not all guys are interested in seeing your nudes. Some guys are genuinely interested in getting to know you and taking you on dates instead of having one night stands. Unfortunately our country has not evolved, including our so called society. Our society is filled with educated idiots, we are a pretentious society, we claim to be rich in culture but sex, divorce, clubbing, drinking, smoking are taboo. I believe just because you go to a temple, church, or a mosque does not make you a good person likewise just because you go to a club does not make you bad person either. It all depends on how we would like to perceive and build an imagination that this man is a pervert or this woman is bad. This is inculcated by so called educated society.

      Ladies be stuck up, build a wall, make it strong and put it down for the right guy. Own the world. You’re an equal. Act like it. Be confident. Be independent but don’t overdo it, understand a man’s ego as you can use this for your advantage as well as his. Motivate your man, support him, and never change yourself for anyone unless and otherwise it affects your personality and your character. Because you’re special in your little way.
      Never read relationship goals or any other site that claims to know how relationships should be, remember that every relationship is unique in its own way, and situations differ. You are the person who is in control of it not a website. There are two sides to every story, and there isn’t a flame without fire so always think every problem you face from a guy’s perspective and your perspective. I have this friend who I always consult before I make any move on a girl. She has been instrumental in showing me a woman’s way of thinking and I help her in return. So what I am trying so hard to tell is, women needs to be treated as women and not your slaves or production house where they produce offspring. And Guys should be treated like guys their mentality, their needs, and definitely not your handy man, although if you’re in to that kind of role paying it’s up to you  but you get my drift.

      I rest my case.

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  2. If your boyfriend asks for nudes of you…no matter how serious of a relationship you’ll be in… He IS NOT the person you’ll have a future with. Even if you think he is the love of your life during that time and feel inclined to provide him with nudes of yourself simply because he’s asking you to…do NOT do it. If your significant other is the RIGHT one for you; he’ll never ask for your nudes. He wouldn’t dare because he’d respect you so much that he wouldn’t need your naked body to please him. Trust me, because I learnt it the hard way. I was in a relationship where I was pressured to provide nudes…I did and I trusted him to not use it against him. But then, he became very threatening and disrespectful to me…treated me like trash. I was afraid to break up (because he had the perfect material to destroy me). But it eventually happened…I moved on…I was so lucky that I found someone who loved me even after knowing what had happened in my previous relationship. The ex tried to break us apart by using those nudes he had of me. It didn’t really work. So…three years on with my amazing boyfriend…never has he ever asked me for nudes. And we both have so much respect for each other even after him knowing my ugly experiences with that devil of an ex. So If he asks you for nudes…don’t give them to him because he is NOT THE ONE no matter how many times your mind tricks you to think so

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    1. Oh gosh!! why always we boys are been blamed just for nothing ? Its your mistake going for the wrong and specially being so bitchy by providing nudes…

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      1. You know what’s funny about your comment? It’s that you have not fully grasped the concept of ‘bitchy’. Let me enlighten you on this. ‘Bitchy’ is an adjective used to describe someone irritable, moody or whiny. However, linguistically and otherwise ignorant people normally use this word to describe people who are honest and blunt. Therefore what I will hold back my actual remarks on your dumb concept on calling an honest, innocent girl bitchy for sending nudes to a guy she loves, and be the wise one out of the two of us πŸ™‚ It’s a sin to condemn stupidity at times πŸ™‚

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  5. I do not agree with the contents of this post. First of all sending nudes is a perfectly natural thing at this day and age. The actual problem is not the sending of the pics but the manner in which they are treated. Sex and the naked human body are such taboo subjects in this country it actually funny. If people realized that we women have the same body parts maybe they’ll stop making such a huge deal out of nudes. It is not the girls fault. She cannot be blamed for exploring her sexuality albiet unorthodox means. It’s the man or in this case the immature boy who has to be crucified for his actions. Sending nudes is not wrong but releasing them onto the Internet is. And the way such material are mocked and ridiculed is the other issue. So pointing the finger at the girls or asking her to not send nudes is like telling a rape victim that it’s her fault that she got raped. Instead maybe we could change the mentality of men in this country.

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    1. I am asking girls not to send nudes cause I know I can do nothing with changing boys’ minds. But I cannot wait and watch when these incidents happen as well. Hope you read the comments of girls who actually faced the situation. And please tell me a way to change mentality of men in this country. I simply realized it is impossible when I saw some comments asking the link and all as I mentioned in the content. But to mention some men were against the idea as well. Anyway you never can blame the girl for rape. And I never blamed the girl for getting nudes publicized either. It is simply telling her to act more wisely for her own benefit.Like teaching girls self defensive moves. Much love for you ❀

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      1. So it’s back to square one. We should be trying to change people’s mentality about the subject of sex and the naked human body. Not asking girls to not to send nudes. Cause it’s basically like asking girls not to dress revealing clothes so that she might not get harassed. If we are more open about our sexuality and embrace the fact that we are sexual beings this won’t be a problem. πŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ‘©

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    3. Exactly. Of course a girl can avoid her nudity being exposed by not taking naked photographs. Better yet, she could remain clothed 24/7. Just like you could avoid your jewelry from being stolen by never wearing jewelry. Or how you could pretty much guarantee you’d not die from a car crash by never using roads.

      I recognize that not sending nude selfies to anybody is one of the most pragmatic ways that a girl can prevent her nudity from being exposed. If you never take a nude selfie, you’re probably being quite smart. Good for you!

      But. This is only a part of the problem. We must recognize that the other, more “fundamental” part of the problem is that we expect women to be saintly virgins with zero sexual desire until they’re married, and that we’re quick to judge them at any indication that they have sexual desires. Because when a piece of jewelry is stolen, or when one gets into a car accident, the victim is never made to feel shame. But if a woman’s naked body ends up in a social media site, then the woman (and her family too!) is subjected to endless shame and criticism.

      I guess you could say that’s how the world works and leave it at that, but there’s something fundamentally wrong here. Why IS it that the man who releases the pictures (the “perpetrator” of the crime) never feels a fraction of the shame that the woman is made to feel? How is it a threat for a man to expose a woman’s naked body in the first place? To me, these are the bigger and more important questions here. In discussing these issues, if we’re only telling girls to stop taking nude selfies without questioning why a woman’s nudity is an issue in the first place… we’re only addressing a part of the problem and I don’t think that’s a progressive discussion. Just my opinion!

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      1. Thank you for your ideas Nipuna. I want these ideas to be blogs. Not just comments.Do create blogs to raise awareness. I wrote it from what I saw and what I felt. From what I felt as a girl.I reached the topic from my perspective.I see some great potential here.Please do a blog about it. Develop this conversation to other perspectives as well. Much love for u ❀

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    4. Exactly my thoughts. Thank you.

      And may be we should not limit this to a girls only problem. I know a guy who’s nudes were printed and pasted on the walls around his neibourhood by his ex. I think this is where the whole problem begins, the segregation. When you are brought up in a society which thinks talking to the opposite sex is taboo, the kid will grow up seeing every person of the opposite sex as a sexual object.

      That apart, I agree with you completely. You can’t blame a person for getting rob because he/she was wearing the jewellery but if you wore the jewelleries walk in pettah at midnight alone, then it is the persons fault.
      Same way the problem is not sending nudes, but who you are sending it and why? If you had to send your nudes because your partner pressurize you or like the author said he/she claims you don’t trust them. Then you are definitely with the wrong person. If you have to use sex to make your partner stay with you and love you, you are in a wrong relationship where you need love and the other person needs sex. You are both at fault and you are both not wrong either. Just you don’t belong with each other.
      You are both just lying to each other and when one decides it enough the other breaks. Rather if you be honest with your motives and find the right one there is more to explore in a relationship be it sex or love. And don’t tell me you don’t know the other person is lying to you about his motives. We all know we just choose to ignore and hope he/she will one day change the way we want them to be. So we give them what they want not realizing we only trying to buy them off.

      I just say, be honest of what you want from the other person. Peace.

      P.S If anyone is a victim of leaked photos and such, go to police. We have a good cyber crime division. They can help you get them photos off the net. It’s not impossible. It can be done.

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  6. My advice if you really have to send nudes use a program called confide.. which does not allow screenshots downloading or sharing and it deletes once it is read…
    But best choice is not send send nudes

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  7. I appreciate the author’s perspective, and since this is a public forum I would like to add my 2 cents worth.

    While the author addresses the issue faced by women in which they are victimized and the advise is pointed at the females, let me widen the spectrum by involving the opposite gender.

    Its true that boys feel differently about sex and intimacy from girls, this is their psychological makeup driven by biological needs. I’m sure everyone would agree that boys think about sex more often due to this, the elements of dignity, social stigma and purity matter less to boys than girls.

    When it comes to nudes – I’m in no way trying to justify or judge any individual asking or providing it.

    A man asking for such nudes – if in a relationship with the woman whom he is requesting it from or from a woman who is in any sort of sexual relationship should understand that in the view of a woman’s eyes it induces a whole mental dilemma. It is wrong for a man to assume that a woman feels the same way about sex. May be if a woman asked him for his nudes – it wouldn’t have been a big deal, but this is not the same in the eyes of a woman. Since women give higher values to moral judgement it is important that the man learns to respect them and needs to give sufficient space for the woman to feel safe in the hands of the man.

    In terms of a woman its not true that all women who have shared nudes were oppressed. Its wrong to generalize coercion or the fear of loosing a relationship as a cause of sharing nudes. In terms of growing “vulgarism” in the modern society it is ALSO possible for a woman to give less priority to her value judgement. I also believe that some women voluntarily have shared them in terms of advancement of intimacy at times she may not have been able to be physically present to satisfy the biological drives of her partner,

    As in all decisions, the decision of sending nudes come with risks – of it ending in the wrong hands. Everything changes when couples fall apart – things get heated and ugly, the joys of romance is replaced by hatred and disgust. At such a mental state, a man may fall into a a state of distress in which he may make the wrong decisions. However I’m not justifying such actions of any man and in fact I strongly condemn such actions.

    A woman should be able to know the risks of making such a decision. If by this decision she is victimized, the blame lies partly upon her. In the name of feminism and the emancipation of women, women tend to cross the line into misandry.

    The comments to the article seem tilted towards man haters. It seems to me that a lot of commentators in this post have attributed fault to the men unjustly, completely ignoring the woman’s role in it.

    Thus, while a man should know to to respect the dignities of a woman, it is also important for a woman to protect her dignity herself, she can’t be herd to complain of the wrong man leaking a woman’s nudes after she had sent it herself.

    THE DIGNITY OF A WOMAN IS NOT LOST WHEN A MAN LEAKS HER NUDES, IT IS LOST WHEN SHE PRODUCES NUDES OF HERSELF TO THE WRONG PERSON.

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  8. Good Article but nevertheless, it’s not written on a neutral context.

    Sending pictures/videos or anything revealing is completely avoidable by the girl at any given moment in time. Nobody can “force” a girlfriend to send images or videos , and If a girl feels like a guy is forcing her to send , That should be enough of more evidence for the girl to understand that there’s something wrong with the guy she’s with and then take appropriate decisions.

    Just like there are numerous occasions where the boy treats the girl like trash and then leaves her or posts her pictures or whatever, which is terrible but does happen, The same applies to the other party as well.

    There’s always two sides to a story and so there are incidents where the girl treats the boy like trash , Or better put as , the girlfriend treats the boy like trash.

    Yes , there are numerous number of uncivilized people (men or women) who try to take revenge when a situation like that occurs. It goes both ways and just like you can’t judge a book by it’s cover , none of us know the reason behind these images or videos being posted.

    At numerous occasions the boy decides to leave the girl for someone else , treats her terribly and there are such moments where the girl decides to leave the boy ,the girl decides to leave him for someone else or one of them abruptly ends the relationship. The bottom line is that now so many people don’t value relationships and cannot work with one person , trying to fix his/her mistakes. The easy route is taken when they find something they dislike about their partner. This in turn is causing a lot of these problems which are mentioned in this article.

    In this day and age , it’s not rocket science to know that relationships fail to last on a consistent basis , so having knowing that , It’s very important for anyone not to expose themselves by sending these type of images or videos to a person they don’t see themselves living with for the rest of their lives.

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  9. Due to personal and obvious reasons, I’m not posting this under my real name.

    First of all, I appreciate and admire that the writer took this up and posted this article, after the recent incident that we all know about.

    But.

    You’re being more like a misandrist here. It’s neither required nor fair to blame the entire community of men and only men when something like this happens. That’s misandry.

    I know how miserable it can get to watch one of your close friends going through something like this. But it does not give you the right to conclude that the minds of ALL Sri Lankan men, are the same or corrupted altogether.

    I said I know how you must be feeling because I know her for more than a decade. I’ve been to her place when she was such a little innocent girl who wouldn’t even look at a guy’s face. So I’ve known her probably before you even knew she existed.

    It was her choice that she sent nudes, it was her decision to take that risk and this guy you people are claiming to have released these, they were in bad terms already by then. So she knew the risks. It’s her life, her body and her wish. No one else needs to be worrying about what she did or why she did it or come up with hypothesis insulting men. That’s too naive.

    You think every guy who gets/asks for nudes of girls are leaking them online? You think, the ONLY girls who’ve sent nudes to their guys are the ones who we know about, online? No.

    But as you’re claiming above; if we all are corrupted, as one big messed up family of men, then at least 50% of the Google pics results will have nudes of SL girls. Has that happened yet? no. So don’t take your personal anger, on all men.

    The recipient asked for that and she decided to do that. Just ONE GIRL and ONE GUY involved. Don’t generalize it mate.

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    1. I have a father, brothers,male friends and I know many more, thousands of great men. I do not agree with your comment. I do not hate anyone at all. I was explaining what actually happened. I showed the reality in Sri Lanka. What actually happens if your nudes get publicized. As a girl I do not want other girls to go through that hell . As a human I do not want to see humans greedily asking to see a naked body. Which is what happened. And no, I personally don’t know her. Much love for you. ❀

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    2. Partially agreed. That’s a personal problem. But we should address to the whole social issue of this matter bro. It’s become a big problem in these countries because of the mindsets of all conservative short minded men and women.. Yeah it’s neither about men not about women. It’s perfectly natural to ask for nudes, send nudes and some other people fish for them online. It’s about the people who blames the girl and condemns her from the society just because of this issue. You know it’s not a big deal. In one part of the world pornstars are earning millions selling their nudes while some girls in the other part of the world commit suicide just because some of their nudes are leaked. This is a total joke. It’s because the people who live in developed countries have developed mindsets.. Well obviously I agree with the fact that the guy who put them online in wrong in every manner ethically and morally. So he’s the one should be blamed their not any other men or women. 😊

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  10. This age and era and digital what not , has nothing to do with being asked for nudes. Tip from a man (not trying to be a feminist here)- The minute he asks for nudes, realize that you have been with an immature boy all throughout. Luckily we men don’t get much hyped for such “leaked” photos. And not all men actually dreams and talks of sex all the time. The request itself is proof that he is not having long term plans at all. Shouldn’t intimacy be in person? Phones get often lost, stolen, dropped and given to repair and there is not guarantee where those images / clips might end up. So unless you would like to be rag dolled around weekends and want to just “hang out” daily with a boy, Dump him or mentally be prepared to not have anything in the long run. There are plenty of chivalrous, solid single men out there.

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  11. Well what I love about this article is that it gives the answer head on. Say No girls. It isn’t just a matter of trust, safety is also a big issue. With so many hackers around your inappropriate content is not safe even in your own device. And how can we forget the person who repairs your mobile phone and the person who takes advantage when you’re drunk.. Beware !!

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  12. Q – What if he asks for your nudes?
    A – Send your nudes if you really trust him. But be intelligent to not to show your face.

    Sharing nude pics is an intimate thing. It can be a really relief for long distance lovers. It’s your personal choice.

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  13. Hi Ladies! So This article disturbed me a lot. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it which is what made me write this. First and foremost remember if a guy asks you for nudes, he is not your Prince Charming. Remember we all need to kiss a few frogs before we come across our soul mate but during that time the frogs do not need to know which lake you live in and what you do. So ladies take it from a guy, if he asks you for your nudes he does not love you as he claims. Your Prince Charming will honor you, respect you, love you; above all he will value you.
    So if you don’t find these traits you will have to keep looking. I may be old fashioned but chivalry is not dead. It’s pretty much alive, you just need to be patient and it will come along. Don’t ever cheapen yourself, get drunk in clubs where guys try to man handle you, but instead go out with friends you trust. Not all guys are interested in seeing your nudes. Some guys are genuinely interested in getting to know you and taking you on dates instead of having one night stands. Unfortunately our country has not evolved, including our so called society. Our society is filled with educated idiots, we are a pretentious society, we claim to be rich in culture but sex, divorce, clubbing, drinking, smoking are taboo. I believe just because you go to a temple, church, or a mosque does not make you a good person likewise just because you go to a club does not make you bad person either. It all depends on how we would like to perceive and build an imagination that this man is a pervert or this woman is bad. This is inculcated by so called educated society.

    Ladies be stuck up, build a wall, make it strong and put it down for the right guy. Own the world. You’re an equal. Act like it. Be confident. Be independent but don’t overdo it, understand a man’s ego as you can use this for your advantage as well as his. Motivate your man, support him, and never change yourself for anyone unless and otherwise it affects your personality and your character. Because you’re special in your little way.
    Never read relationship goals or any other site that claims to know how relationships should be, remember that every relationship is unique in its own way, and situations differ. You are the person who is in control of it not a website. There are two sides to every story, and there isn’t a flame without fire so always think every problem you face from a guy’s perspective and your perspective. I have this friend who I always consult before I make any move on a girl. She has been instrumental in showing me a woman’s way of thinking and I help her in return. So what I am trying so hard to tell is, women needs to be treated as women and not your slaves or production house where they produce offspring. And Guys should be treated like guys their mentality, their needs, and definitely not your handy man, although if you’re in to that kind of role paying it’s up to you  but you get my drift.

    I rest my case. Just reposting it again lol

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  16. My opinion may not be valid for every boyfriend in Sri Lanka, but Sri Lankan guys grow up with a certain distance from girls, the same distance that creates perverts and misogynists. a lot of Sri Lankan guys see a lot of ‘action’, know everything about ‘action’ yet experience scarce little or none. this desperation to experience these things you grow up watching and listening to tends to make guys uncontrollably horny all the time. The prevalent conservative society in Sri Lanka embeds a message in ladies’ minds that sexual activity before marriage is taboo and morally wrong. Yet although society prohibits pre-marital sexual activity, the same hormones that stimulates these activities in other places of the world are also within Sri Lankan guys. therefore even the most morally sound person is horny in secret or another. So while most Sri Lankan girls with self respect and dignity will be hell bent on not engaging in pre marital sexual activity, they will start dating guys from 16 on wards during various age marks of life. In a relaationship theres love and the romantic lust that comes with it. So this is where ‘nudes’ come into play. viewing them or sending them is not a sexual activity, and girls either don’t want to or can’t display nudity within the vicinity of your boyfriend. Above all other reasons including trust issues that you mentioned in your post, my personal belief is that this is the main reason guys ask for nudes. Yet I will never accept sending nudes as it can ruin a girl’s life and no guy should ever have such control over a girl, unless its her husband. Nudes are a weapon and not to be played with. But back to my earlier point, now what is the guy left with? nothing, is he wrong for having romantic lust? no. Should he know better to control these urges, I don’t think that’s possible, so what im asking from the writer is can or should a girl make little compromises to offset this situation? I must also point out that sexual lust and romantic lust are two different things, it is up to the girl to understand what her guy has. If it is romantic lust, surely there are some ways it could be pleased without endangering either’s life or violating either’s dignity, self respect and principles. Yet these simple fixes are taboos in our society and most girls would rather refrain from them due to social protocol rather than of actual dislike or disgust.

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